Data-Driven Daoist

Chapter 51: Test Runs

“Are we really doing this?” Li Yao’s complaints rang out like nectar to Yu Han’s ears. The small shovel Yu Han had given him now hung from his waist belt.

“Shut up and get ready,” Yu Han shouted. He was standing by the donkey cart with Huang Niuniu. “I’m opening the hatch soon.”

“Fuck, it already stinks. At least give me that helmet!” Li Yao shouted. He held one sword horizontally in front of his chest, the other in a reverse grip.

“Brother Yu,” Fang Zhao said, “this one agrees. Even if you want to test our—”

“Beep boop! Can’t hear you.” Yu Han accepted the mental prod from the token. With a low rumble and a cloud of eye-watering stench so thick it was visible, the hatch slid away.

The afternoon light had long shifted to the reddish glow of early evening. A quick glance showed at least ten of the buggers in the entrance.

“Oh my heavens,” Li Yao said. “It stinks—”

The first creature lunged. It spun mid-air like an out-of-control shuriken and aimed a claw at Li Yao’s face.

“Get the motherf—” He cleaved sideways, separating the creature in two. Gore splashed all over his body alongside the black bile. “I’m gonna hurl.”

More Filth Eating Ghouls followed. They hollered and roared, their meaty stumps thumping on the stone ground like asynchronous drums. Four went for Li Yao, six for Fang Zhao. Fang Zhao’s face was already green.

“W-Why can I still smell it?” Fang Zhao wailed. “I’m not breathing with my nose!” He kicked a ghoul away, then stomped on the head of another. A punch behind him sent the third flying. The gooey remains clung to his fist, and the boy looked like he was about to vomit.

“That’s what you get for calling me fat,” Yu Han muttered.

“You’re so petty,” Huang Niuniu said. Her voice was full of the judgement one of his teenage sisters used to display—the icky, condescending kind, as if he was the biggest loser.

“We’re losing Pure Qi here, ma’am,” Yu Han said, defending his choices. “If we can’t get something in return, it’s bad business.”

“Smelly merchant.” Huang Niuniu shifted away.

They’d go to the Hidden Realm together. So wasn’t it only proper to test their abilities? What was she so dissatisfied about?

Li Yao’s sword moves were precise. Sudden thrusts would pierce the ghouls’ throats, and as he spun, the other sword danced between monster limbs and separated them from their bodies. One of the things got a strike on his leather arm guard, leaving deep scratches, though it wasn’t enough to penetrate. Li Yao shook his arm, sending the ghoul off balance. With a vengeful chop, he split the ghoul’s skull in two.

Fang Zhao also wore armour over his robes. It looked like the protectors kendo practitioners wore, but more flexible. He had his own small shovel slung on his belt.

Apparently, he also trained with the sword, but was adamant about not using it. Until now, he’d only used punches and kicks. Unlike Li Yao, whose moves had a reckless flair to them, Fang Zhao was methodical. One punch to disorient the ghoul, then a kick to the downed monster’s neck. When he was surrounded, a roundhouse kick would send them flying.

The fight ended in less than five minutes.

Yu Han clapped. “Good work. How much Pure Qi did you get?”

“Fuck off, fatty!” Li Yao said. “I’m gonna—”

He vomited.

“Weak, weak. Look at Fang Zhao. He grew up with a silver spoon, but he’s handling this—”

Fang Zhao vomited too.

“Come on. With you guys like this, how’re you going to handle the Hidden Realm?” Yu Han smirked.

“You weren’t much better,” Huang Niuniu said.

Li Yao wiped the sludge off his blade with a hemp towel. “This is ruined now. Shit.” He tried to wipe off a stain on his armour, but it just made the brown spot bigger. “You have a water stone, right? Let me wash off, man.”

“Do you think I gave you that shovel for show?” Yu Han said. “We’ve got work to do, buddy. This isn’t just a test.”

Li Yao and Fang Zhao both grimaced.

Fang Zhao sighed. “Seven.”

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“What?” Li Yao raised an eyebrow.

“Pure Qi.”

“Ah, yeah. Five for me. Why’d you get more?” Li Yao asked.

Fang Zhao shook his head. The boy looked much better compared to when he was trying to chop his own arm off, but from time to time, he would look at the tiger-engraved ring and a dark look would flash on his face. Then he would randomly punch trees and stomp the ground. At the end of the day, he was still a teenager.

“I can’t do this.” Li Yao ran out of the stone tank, to Yu Han’s laughter.

“Boy, you’re still not a man.”

“Fuck you!”

“Take this.” Yu Han passed him and Fang Zhao a damp piece of cloth. “Wrap it around your face like a scarf.”

They both did.

“Y-You.” Li Yao pointed a trembling finger at him. The other hand went for his sword. “You had this! You didn’t give it to us until now!”

It was a scented mask to keep out the stench. The Night Alchemist’s Yard had many Yu Han could borrow.

“It’s not cheap. I thought you were strong enough to handle some bad smell. Guess I thought wrong.” He shrugged.

“I’m gonna kill you!” Li Yao lunged.

“Calm, brother! Calm!” Fang Zhao held him back. The look he sent Yu Han’s way wasn’t friendly, though.

Shouldn’t have called me fat. Yu Han cackled.

They harvested the cores and threw the corpses into the cart.

“Want these?” Yu Han asked.

“Keep them,” Li Yao said disdainfully.

The stone tank was dark. This one had a strange multicoloured fungus hanging from the ceiling like stalactites.

“Best not to touch that,” Yu Han warned Fang Zhao. “It’ll itch in strange places.”

Fang Zhao took his finger back. He raised a brow at Huang Niuniu harvesting the fungus with her dagger.

“It’s her hobby.” Yu Han shrugged.

The poop-shovelling work went fast. They soon rode the cart down the hill back towards the residential huts. Li Yao and Fang Zhao were on the driver’s bench, with Li Yao taking the reins. Yu Han and Huang Niuniu sat on the cart atop the tarp.

“The next one’s that way, right?” Li Yao stopped the donkey and pointed at a side road with the pole.

“Yup, and two more after that.”

Li Yao poked the donkey’s behind. It sneezed, then walked forward.

“Sima Yan lives around here. Bastard’s probably gonna have things to say if he sees us,” Li Yao said.

“Move the cart around?” Yu Han grabbed his shoulder.

“Ew, fuck! Your hand’s got shit on it!”

The coverall gloves did have waste stains. Yu Han had grown used to being around unmentionables, and after every shovelling session, both he and Huang Niuniu would look like filth-painted canvases.

They took another branch road back to the main vein.

“Since we took this spot, won’t the Sect blame us if we don’t do our job?” Huang Niuniu wondered. They had marked the spot as theirs on the map. Other Night Soil Collectors wouldn’t approach it.

“Don’t worry. I’ll talk with Senior Wen,” Yu Han said. That man was overeager to keep the hard-earned new recruits, so Yu Han was confident that he could persuade him.

“It’s better to target Sima Yan directly; the others in the area did nothing wrong,” Huang Niuniu chided.

“And how are we supposed to do that?”

“Senior Wen said each outhouse has a tunnel to the nearby cesspool,” Huang Niuniu mused. “We can block it with the hard waste nodules.”

Yu Han punched his fist in the air.

“Oh, yeah. We have to identify which drain is for which hut,” Yu Han said. “There has to be records, right?”

“Wait, rather than blocking it with the nodules, how about collapsing it?” Huang Niuniu added. Even through the helmet gap, her eyes shone with excitement. “That way, the Sect can’t pin it on us. If we block it, they might guess someone did it. We’re the most likely suspects, since we have the access token. If it’s collapsed, well, that could have happened naturally.”

“You two…” Li Yao massaged his forehead. “Daring to talk about destroying Sect property. You got guts.”

Fang Zhao smiled uneasily.

“Where do Ma San and Pang Jiming live?” Yu Han grabbed his shoulder again. “And that bastard Gong Muhua!”

“Let go, you shit-scooping—”

Yu Han and Huang Niuniu took the next stone tank. It was shorter than most they’d seen, half of it buried in the side of a steep cliff. Huang Niuniu prayed to the small shrine as usual.

The hatch opened. A few seconds passed, then one Filth Eating Ghoul stepped out.

“It’s a bit bigger, isn’t it?” Huang Niuniu said.

She was right. The forearms were thicker, and it was a head taller than most ghouls they’d seen. It kicked the stone ground with its stumpy hind legs.

“What’re you waiting for? Fight!” Li Yao jeered.

The ghoul snapped its head his way. It took a few more steps. More ghouls revealed themselves from behind.

The sun had long since set. In the dark, many pairs of eyes glowed like flickering LEDs. Yet the moonlight was clear, giving each an unsaturated silhouette.

The first ghoul breathed in.

“Alright, same plan. We endure the first attack, then rush in when they’re disoriented.”

Huang Niuniu made a tiny sound to show she was on board.

The Filth Eating Ghoul’s belly expanded, and when it resembled a balloon, it screeched out.

Lifeforce -35

Yu Han collapsed to one knee.

“What in the—”

The nausea hit like waves. As the initial urge to vomit receded, the next rose up. His vision swam, doubles appearing atop the rushing forms of the ghouls. A quick glance at Huang Niuniu showed that she was on all fours.

“Hey, tubs! Are you alright?” Li Yao had already unsheathed his double blade, but Fang Zhao was faster. He ran towards them with large strides.

Yu Han roared. A deep guttural sound echoed out from his throat, so hoarse that it hurt. He held the halberd with a death grip.

Mountain Root Stance!

The blade cleaved the outstretched hand of the first ghoul.

Stone Cutting Chop!

The next attack beheaded the second ghoul.

Swift Hoof Lunge!

The third pierced the chest of the next monster.

Pure Qi +7

“You little midgets think you can outmatch me?” he yelled. His voice boomed with condescension. It seemed to rattle the swarm of ghouls, though for merely a moment. They snarled and shot forward again.

A bright light came from behind, casting his shadow long. The ghouls screeched in fear, blocking the light with their monstrous palms.

It was Huang Niuniu. She had taken her helmet off, and her whole face shone like a headlight. The lights flickered, and she coughed, the colour draining from her face.

“Sister Huang!” Fang Zhao, who had already rushed near, supported her. “You’re bleeding.”

Huang Niuniu bled from her orifices. But Yu Han’s eyes were not on her. She’d only illuminated the area for a second.

“Tubs, this ain’t good.”

Li Yao stood beside him. His sword hand shook.

That second of light was enough to reveal a new enemy. A cold gale howled out from the stone tank hatch, and a huge, furry hand, way bigger than Yu Han’s head, reached out from within.

“Shit.”