Merchant Crab

“Nah, screw that,” the taller bandit said. “The crab’s right. We don’t get paid enough for this.”

“Forget it,” said the shorter one, turning around and heading to the stairs. “That girl’s crazy. I shoulda stayed downstairs drinking with the others.”

Balthazar watched, flabbergasted, as the two bandits walked toward the stairs.

“What? You guys are leaving already?” Olivia yelled from across the room. “We were just starting to have fun!”

The skinnier man brushed her off with a hand as he started going down the steps.

“You guys aren’t even going to tend to your boss?” the perplexed crab said, looking at the wet lump that was their boss lying on the polished floor.

“Bah! You was right. He don’t care about us,” the stocky bandit said. “Let his ‘muse’ come help him.”

“Byeee! Don’t forget to sign up for the Bandit Rights Association!” Suze said as the two men disappeared down the stairs.

“Don’t encourage it,” Olivia told her as she walked around the knocked out bandit to join them.

“It worked out in the end,” the street urchin said as she pulled the rope around her wrists loose with her teeth.

“Let’s not waste any more time,” the Marquessa girl said. “We’ve got one more floor to go.”

“Do we just… leave him here?” said Balthazar, staring at the passed out Jake.

“Do you want to carry him with us?” Olivia said.

“Nah, you’re right. Let him stink up this room with onion.”

The trio ran to the bottom of the stairs leading up and came to another stop.

“Oh, great, more stairs,” Suze said. “Can’t we just send Balthazar up through the dummy waiter again?”

“It’s called a dumbwaiter,” the other girl said. “And no, we can’t. I was poking my head in to check when Jake caught me by surprise. The pulleys were removed past this floor. Seems whoever lives up there didn’t want any meals delivered.”

“Oh, good,” said the crab. “I wasn’t looking forward to another ride in there. Way too cramped for my taste.”

“Then how will we get him up?” the smaller human asked. “His fish brain can’t figure out how to work steps, and I’m not pushing up the stairs either.”

“I have an idea,” Olivia said with a smirk, looking past the other two.

Going around them, the young woman pulled some curtains and tapestries aside, revealing a chain wrapped around a metal hook on the wall.

“Here, hold this tight, please,” she told the crab.

Slightly confused, Balthazar obliged, grasping the chain with both pincers. “What’s your plan?”

“Oh, you’ll see in just a moment,” the girl said as she started releasing the chain from the hook.

The merchant’s frowning gaze went up, following the chain he was holding.

It went up straight, past the mezzanine on the floor above, to another round hook on the ceiling. Balthazar’s eyes continued following along the horizontal line of the chain, widening as he realized what it was connected to: one of the chandeliers hanging above the ballroom. ȐἈΝ𝘰ᛒĘȿ

“Olivia, why are you un—Ahhhh!”

Experiencing a sudden jolt of whiplash again, the crab’s feet left the floor as the chain unwound, pulling him upward toward the ceiling, pincers holding on for dear life as he screamed all the way there.

On the reverse, the chandelier at the other end of the chain came crashing down onto the polished mahogany boards of the ballroom with a loud shattering, sending glass and metal bits flying all across the dance floor.

Balthazar’s eyestalks squished against the ceiling as his shell slammed onto it, making him let go of the chain and tumble forward, flailing desperately to fall on the mezzanine instead of all the way back down to the floor below.

“Ooow…” the crab moaned, lying upside down on the carpet of the third floor.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

“Great, you made it!” said Olivia, rushing up the stairs to meet him.

“You didn’t even warn me!” Balthazar protested as she helped him back onto his feet.

“Would you have grabbed the chain if I did?”

“No!”

“Exactly.”

A joyful bout of laughter came from below.

“That was awesome!” Suze shouted from the dance floor underneath. “Do me next!”

“No, that would be dangerous,” the mayor’s niece responded over the railing of the mezzanine. “Use the stairs.”

“But you did it for Balthazar!” the little girl grumpily responded as she walked up the staircase, arms crossed and a pout on her face.

“The kid’s right,” the crustacean exclaimed with annoyance. “You had no concerns about the danger when you did it to me!”

“Yeah, listen to Balthazar!” Suze said. “You should do it with me too!”

The crab’s eyestalks jumped. “Hey, hold on, that’s not what I meant!”

“Oh, shush, you two,” said Olivia, rolling her eyes and walking to the double doors of the third floor. “He has a hard shell, you don’t. I knew he’d be fine. Probably. Let’s keep going. We’re almost to the master bedroom we saw on the floor plans. It should be just across a corridor through the guest wing of the house.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that ‘probably’ there, miss,” Balthazar muttered as he begrudgingly followed her.

The young woman pressed down on the two handles and pushed the doors open, revealing a long corridor.

Its mood was gloomy, despite the plentiful lighting from an unreasonable amount of lit candles spread over the many pieces of dark wood furniture.Nôv(el)B\\jnn

The floor was covered on its entire length by a long rug with strange patterns woven into it, similar to the ones on the tapestries hanging over the walls.

“Whoever decorated this place really liked these ugly patterns,” Balthazar commented as they stepped into the hallway.

Olivia ran a hand through the fabric of one of the tapestries. “Oooh, I get it now. Damask Manor.”

Suze let out an impressed whistle. “Check out these curtains. So smooth.”

The young girl was rubbing the silky and plushy fibers of a pair of black curtains on the opposite wall while nodding gently in approval.

“So smooth. I never felt anything like it. Is this what you rich people call satin?”

Olivia came closer to inspect the curtains too.

“No, that’s not satin. I think it’s—”

The sound of a door closing at the other end of the corridor made the trio turn their heads—and shell.

A tall man in uniform had just stepped out of the master bedroom, helmet on his head, cape draped behind his back, and a fierce gaze peering through his visor.

“The commander of the guard,” Olivia muttered.

“What’s he doing here?” asked Suze, wiping her hands on the curtains before letting them go.

Balthazar frowned. “He was the one that ordered my arrest the other day. He’s under her influence too. That’s why all those guards are doing her bidding.”

The commander grabbed a thick wooden baton with a set of metal spikes lining the end of it from his waist and pointed it straight at the crab.

“You,” he said, “will go no further.”

“Huh… did you bring any more flower pots from downstairs?” Balthazar whispered to Olivia.

“No,” she responded. “And he’s also wearing a helmet, so I’m all out of ideas.”

“You really need to diversify your moveset,” Suze chimed in.

The commander took a heavy step forward, making the floorboards vibrate under the weight of his armor.

“You will not reach her,” the man said in a gravelly tone as he pulled a large round shield from his back. “I won’t let you. I will protect her. I will keep her safe. I’m the only one who can. She told me so herself. I will do my duty.”

“Oh, alright, this guy has lost his marbles,” said the crab.

“We noticed,” the street urchin said. “But what do we do about it? He doesn’t look like he wants to talk.”

“I don’t know, I usually just wing it at this point, but I’m not really seeing a way around this right now!” Olivia said with a note of growing concern in her voice as the guardsman kept heading toward them.

“You’d better think of something fast, Balthazar,” Suze warned. “Because he’s coming fast and he looks really mad at you.”

The merchant looked around, searching for a solution he couldn’t find. “Ah, crabapples! Why does everyone want a piece of me lately?!”

“Must be your natural charm!” Olivia exclaimed as she grabbed a candlestick from a nearby dresser and held it up like a weapon.

“She’s mine, you hear?” the commander yelled while breaking into a sprint, his baton held high in one hand, the shield held up in front of him as he charged forward. “I won’t let you hurt her!”

“Hurt her? I just wanted the mangoes so I could get some directions, you lunatic!” Balthazar exclaimed as he hurriedly pulled his backpack down and reached into it. “I was trying to save this, but I guess I gotta try it now.”

Pulling his claw out of the magical pack, the crab revealed an ingot of solid iron, the same one he had gotten from Captain Leander when they first met.

“Oh, great, you’re gonna toss that at his head?” Olivia said.

“Not exactly.”

Sliding the system text into his view as the armored guard kept charging at him, Balthazar selected his chosen skill.

This better do what I think it should, or I’m about to turn into crab pulp!

[Imbuing activated: Iron Ingot absorbed]

He looked down at his pincer with anticipation, but a sharp sting came from within his shell instead.

“Ow! What is going on?!” the crustacean groaned as a strange feeling took over his body.

The commander roared as he reached the crab, bringing his spiked baton down on him with furious force.